THESE bitches are fat and fab!!

I found this photo on a celebrity gossip website that I frequent. The author of the blog challenged his readers to caption this photo with something funny (and inevitably cruel). I want to combat that ugliness.

I challenge you to look at this picture. Don't be shy. Really think about it.


Why would it be amusing/joke worthy to see two beautiful, black, plus sized women celebrating their full bodies?
why does the image of two naked women who do not have "average sized" bodies make us cringe?
Do you look at them and pray you never have bodies as fat as theirs?
or do your eyes well up with tears at the thought that you may never be so secure in your own skin to ever pose like they did?
Is your first reaction to be ashamed for them? Disgusted?
Should women (and men) with bodies like these keep them hidden from view?
What is so obscene about fat?


When I look at this photo I see many things. I see 2 women who have cast off the shelter of clothing to reveal that fat is nothing to be afraid of. I see large breasts swaying with the movement of the life in their bodies. I see soft full bellies. I see dark, honey colored skin covering the same insides we all share. I see dark, honey colored skin that is probably thicker than most people's from years of struggle. I see strong thick thighs that can walk a mile. I see heads held high, placed on confident shoulders that can hold the weight of the world. I see arms that are supple and cast outward in an expression of total joy. I see smiles, not apprehension. I see strength. I see confidence. I see love for oneself.

I see 2 beautiful, FAT and fabulous women.


"'Good and 'better' in respect to beauty are not easy to discern, for it would be quite possible to make two different figures, neither conforming with the other, one stouter, the other thinner, and yet we might scarce be able to judge which of the two excelled in beauty."
~~Albrecht Durer from Four Books Of Human Proportions, 1528

To the producers of Deadliest Catch:

After a long day of dealing with pissed off old people, all I wanted to do was come home and watch a little eye candy on my favorite show Deadliest Catch. I don't know what the hell you folks are doing, but the absence of the Cornelia Marie did not go unnoticed!

Just so you know, I can't get into this new boat The Early Dawn. Plus, it is no substitute for our favorite boats we fans have come to know and love. I understand that you think it is good television to have the boat owner's incompetent son on board, but it just isn't cutting it.

However, making D.C. just the "Time Bandit-Wizard-Cornelia Marie-show" would be better. ;)

I understand that the other new boat, The North American, is a friend to show consultant The Northwestern. However, there isn't enough room for a new vessel and I would be very pissed to see any of the fan favorites get pushed aside to make room for a new boat. You only have one, maybe 2 more seasons left of Deadliest Catch before people lose interest. Haven't you ever heard the phrase "Don't fix what ain't broke"? I appreciate you wanting to show more boats, new stories and interesting people. But just don't, okay?

So, basically what I am saying is change is bad. Keep the boats we love and stop wasting time with the new ones. OH, and I swear to God if you cut the Cornelia Marie off the show again I am going to lose my shit!



Also, I would appreciate it if you could find some footage of Crosby Leveen from The Wizard pulling pots in nothing but a smile. Oh! and a few shots of The Cornelia Marie's Dave Millman shirtless would be nice too.

SO, what do you think?

New Kids on the Block's new single "Summertime". Eh.

Random posting at 1 a.m.

Super ... I have ants.

Carpenter ants or termites to be exact. Shit.

I have already bombed my apartment once, and have sprayed the hell out of my apartment, yet they still keep coming back.

I swear, I open the door to my place and I get the wonderful aroma of Raid.

I wonder if I am poisoning myself? Great.

Is this a pimple or a third eye? Damn insecticides.

They love to hang out around my computer. My internet porn hobby has been rudely interrupted by flying and crawling things.

I can't go to the grocery store for fear that I have an infestation and they will eat all my food.

When I went to see my parents for a quick visit recently, they brought me a ton of Amish cheese.

All I am eating is cheese.

I can't poop.

Life is grand.

That is all.

Rock and ...What!?

"Shelter"
Sarah McLachlan

They're crowded into the smallest spaces
While outside, all of nature cries
It's known to be cruel and unfair
But there is no place to hide
Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never really wanted to share
Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never knew was there

Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm

I can't sleep - haunted by their faces
The sadness in their eyes
It hurts so much to see them helpless
It makes me want to cry
But still there is so much left unanswered
For so many innocent lives
They closed the door and are letting nobody in
And only the strong will survive

Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm

I've seen the anger and I've seen all the dreams
And I've watched their existence torn apart at the seams
And though I may seem helpless
I will do all that I can do
I've seen a part of people that I never really wanted to share
Oh, I've seen a part of people that I never knew was there

Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm
Give them shelter, give them shelter from the coming storm

He never did tell me what his problem was.

Yes folks, it has finally happened. Lothian has finally been cursed out on the phone. I have heard tale of a strange phenomenon where unhappy people phone call centers and curse out the poor working Joe or Josephine answering the call. I have been told that I have a sweet voice and have been able to deescalate a few angry people on my phone calls. However I have never been cursed at. I have only had one person say "this is bullshit", but never directed a me. Well, now I can officially join the ranks.

I started my new schedule at work Monday and was pretty happy about it. Instead of working four 1o hour days, I went to 8 hour days. Instead of working mornings, I am working 3:30-midnight which is more my pace anyway. My first phone call was some old man yelling about his eye drops and he was not very pleasant at all. In fact he told me, "well, there is no reason for me to say thank you since you didn't do anything." Well, sorry sir. I can't move mountains and I certainly can't fill your eye drops and drive them to your house, so deal with it. I just had to shake my head at him since he was 84 and probably going to die soon anyway.

Okay, okay!! I know that is not very nice to say, but sometimes when people are mean ... your brain goes there.

Anyway, the rest of the night was cranky Monday people. Pretty typical until I got Mr sunshine on the line. He demanded that I connect him with the Texas call center. Maybe he doesn't like Ohioans? Anyway, when calls come in they go to the next available representative. This way the member doesn't have to wait forever for assistance. That rep could be in Ohio, Nevada, Tampa or Texas. I have no way of transferring him to a specific center. I simply can't.

After going back and fourth with him telling me this was something I could do, and me telling him "no really, I can't." He yelled "Fuck You! get me to the Texas call center I am tired of this bullshit!" Now, it took all of my super human powers to not tell him where he can shove the Texas call center. As many of you know, I can curse with the best of them. Believe me, if I could have passed his sorry ass off to someone else I would have immediately.

Well ... pass him off is exactly what I did. We are not allowed to offer supervisors, the asshole has to ask for them. However, I am NOT GOING TO BE TREATED LIKE DIRT. I transferred him off and the poor supervisor got an ear full too. Bless her heart, she is a bigger woman than I am because I could never tolerate someone telling me "do as your told, get me to the Texas call center!"

Do as I am told? Aw Hells NO!!

Sorry I haven't been around much lately, but ...

It was one year ago today.

an open letter

Dear Joshua Garmon* of Dennis Hyundai on Morse Road,
I was sorry to not end up buying a car from you when I was in the market for a new car. You seemed like a really nice guy. You told us you were going to school to be a minister and I believe you. I will even confess that I really wanted to buy the Outlander from you.
However, after receiving numerous phone calls from you after you knew I went with another dealer I am really starting to hate your ass. First of all, thank you for offering to move our car while we browsed models. At first, I thought it was really nice of you, until I realized it was all a tactic to get us to come inside when we were ready to leave -- you kept our keys.
I also found it interesting that you "forgot" to give my father back his drivers license after we were done running his credit. It was "miraculously" found the very next day -- so that we would have to come back to the dealership to pick it up. Please don't think I am stupid. I knew what kind of prank you were pulling and it gave me a great thrill to drive up to your dealership in my brand new Kia Rondo.
Do you realize you kept us over 3 hours at that dealership? We told you from the beginning we were not walking out of there with a car, yet you continued to hound us. We told you I could not afford to pay more than $300 a month for payments. Yet, you came back to us with figures in the $400's? We told you I did not want to lease a car, and yet you continued to crunch numbers for a lease. Not only is all of that a waste of our time, but it was a waste of yours as well.
Finally, stop calling me! It is none of your Goddamn business "what kind of deal" Kia gave me. It was better than the one you gave me! It is harassment to continue calling, and rude to ask how much I payed for the car. Originally, I was going to recommend you to others. Not any more. I would have thought that after the first 3 phone calls I didn't return, you would have gotten the point. If you call me just one more time, not only will I report you to your boss, but I will file a complaint with the Better Business Bureau against the entire dealership and your shady tactics.

Got it?!
--Lothian

*his real name and phone number 614-905-9838 (updated phone number)

Click Click click by NKOTB

Not bad. The lyrics are strange -- "put your face on. Playing with your makeup."

Happy Easter, Ya'll.

Introducing the Kia Rondo!!

There is my new pretty car! I don't have a name yet for it, and I haven't decided whether it is a male or female. Post your ideas on car names and I may chose it!!

There is her booty. She is so shiny and clean. I hope she stays that way, damn it.

The long shot of the Rondo. Everyone is teasing me that it is a soccer mom car and I need to have some kids to fill it up with. I think I will just fill it up with hot men.

A blurry photo of me with my new wheels. I suppose it is nice that the photo is blurry as I had just got out of bed and didn't have any makeup on. Yikes!

My car buying co-pilot. My daddy. I don't think I would have been able to make a decision without him. It was so nice to have him here to help. Isn't he a cutie?!

Oh, It's coming bitches!! April 15th, baby!!

If you all miss out on it this year, don't blame me cuz I am letting you newbies know now.

April 15th.
9pm.
Discovery Channel.

Deadliest "mutha fuckin" Catch!
ooh, my nipples are hard.

Rock and ...What!? (Trying to make myself smile in the wake of all this car drama)

Cars That Go Boom

by L'Trimm


So many kinds, where can we start?
we like them dumb and we like them smart.
I like the ones with the pretty eyes,
Well i like all kinds of guys.
Stop. What happened, how about the ones we especially like?
Which ones?
You know the ones with the cars that go..
I hear you..
Hit it!

{beat...............}
It was me and the posse with Bunny (D)
We were cruising in the Jags and the Lambourgini,
When low and behold there appeared a mirage,
He was hooking up a car in his daddy's garage.
We stopped short, did a double take,
He was looking so fly, I thought I wasn't awake.
He was obviously hooking up bass, I asume,
But then he turned a little button and the car went boom.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.

We like them short, and we like them tall,
We like them one, and we like them all.
They're always adding speakers when they find the room,
Cuz they know we like the guys with the cars that go boom.
And see my boyfriend really knows where it's at,
He's got 50 inch woofers all along the back.
He makes a comment on going to my room,
But I'd rather stay out with his car that goes boom.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.

Now if your car ain't got it, go out and get it,
We like the boom and don't you forget it.
So turn down the treble, and flaunt your bass,
So your car can be heard almost any place.
Cuz when you're in the street you can't go far,
Without hearing the boom pouring out your car.
So if your speaker's weak, then please turn it off,
Coz we like the cars that sound so tough.

We like the cars, the cars that go boom,
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.
We like the cars, the cars that go boom.
We're Tigra and Bunny and we like the boom.

Everybody just beep your horn
Everybody just beep your horn if you hear us,
Now clap!
Hit it!
Beep, beep beep beep beep!
Come on everybody!
Hey, hey hey hey hey!
Beep, beep beep beep beep!
{beat continues......}

Chuck Norris Song - Dave and Jimmy

No video, but the song cracks me up! The 'idiots' I listen to on the radio every morning made this. Ha Ha! What is your favorite Chuck Norris fact? I like the grinding his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with rage. That's how it do!

Rock and ...What!?

Bruce Springsteen
"Youngstown"
*I am including this because my sister sent me the link and because it is where I am originally from*

Here in north east Ohio
Back in eighteen-o-three
James and Danny Heaton
Found the ore that was linin' yellow creek
They built a blast furnace
Here along the shore
And they made the cannon balls
That helped the union win the war

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I'm sinkin' down
Here darlin' in Youngstown

Well my daddy worked the furnaces
Kept 'em hotter than hell
I come home from 'Nam worked my way to scarfer
A job that'd suit the devil as well
Taconite, coke and limestone
Fed my children and made my pay
Then smokestacks reachin' like the arms of god
Into a beautiful sky of soot and clay

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I'm sinkin' down
Here darlin' in Youngstown

Well my daddy come on the Ohio works
When he come home from world war two
Now the yards just scrap and rubble
He said, "Them big boys did what Hitler couldn't do"
These mills they built the tanks and bombs
That won this country's wars
We sent our sons to Korea and Vietnam
Now we're wondering what they were dyin' for

Here in Youngstown
Here in Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I'm sinkin' down
Here darlin' in Youngstown

From the Monongahela valley
To the Mesabi iron range
To the coal mines of Appalacchia
The story's always the same
Seven-hundred tons of metal a day
Now sir you tell me the world?s changed
Once I made you rich enough
Rich enough to forget my name

In Youngstown
In Youngstown
My sweet Jenny, I'm sinkin' down
Here darlin' in Youngstown

When I die I don't want no part of heaven
I would not do heavens work well
I pray the devil comes and takes me
To stand in the fiery furnaces of hell

It's a snow day miracle, Timmy!

So, I went to bed last night looking at this:




I woke up to find this:




The snow fairies were hard at work last night I see! Actually, I am pretty sure it was Casey and Nate - two guys who struck up a conversation with me yesterday while I was snapping pictures and checking out the damage.

What kindness!! They didn't tell me they were going to do this, and I never even hinted that I secretly had no fucking clue how I was going to clean all that snow off my car without a shovel. Since I don't know where they live, I am going to have to put up a poster thank you in the lobby so they know their good deed did not go unrecognized.

I feel like "the pretty girl". You know the one, the bitch that men bend over backwards to help out just because they are attractive. The girl that never has to open doors for herself, change her own tire, or clean the snow off her car.

They were cute too. I wonder what I could do to pay them back? Something warm and fuzzy for their cold prickly's perhaps? OH, THAT WAS FILTHY!!

Picture extravamaganza! Columbus Ohio has a blizzard.

Never mind the dates on the pictures, they are all wrong. Poor Mr. Four wheel drive attempted to leave the parking lot today. He failed.

Picture taken looking outside my window. For once it was not good being on the bottom floor! I even have the screen up in this picture -- the snow ain't moving.

The "Sanford and Son" truck I hate so much. He couldn't help poor Scarlet from any drifting snow, that's for sure!

More pictures of poor Scarlet being covered in snow, and the view out my window.

Last night I cleaned about a foot of snow off my car. Apparently it snowed a little bit during the night. I had to leave that little snow Mohawk on the her roof because I couldn't reach the top. Now she has a Poor little cone head

When folk use the term "blanket of snow" I think this is what they mean.

Reaching out my window and touching the snow. Normally, I can't get anywhere near the ground, even with my ape arms.

The front of my complex. As you can see, the snow is about the height of the bushes there. Pretty, but a mess.

The ass-end of everyone's car here at the complex. This is the side that faces the building. You can't even tell they are actually cars underneath there!

As you can see, Columbus had a bit of snow. I think we ranged anywhere from 10-14 inches. I put the call out to some of my friends to post their pictures, so I will be posting some of those tomorrow. It has been a while since we had this much snow, and I have never been in a situation where the snow went all the way up to my knees!!

It is very beautiful, but I was required to work today and was terrified about driving in this weather. I ended up calling in -- it wasn't worth dying in an accident. Most places in Central Ohio were under either a level 2 or 3 snow emergency. In a level 3, you will be ticketed if you attempt to drive. I think what solidified my decision to not go out was watching the news and seeing NO ONE on the roads and hearing that most accidents were semi's crashing. If the professionals can't drive in it, Ms. Two Door Dodge Neon can't either. Plus, the snow come up to the top of my tires, so even if I wanted to, she wasn't going to budge.

Because it was a rough morning. (sorta NSFW)

Colin Farrell in all his Oscar glory.

Another one of Colin, just because.

Ryan Reynolds. Shirtless. Do I need a reason to post this?

Angelina Jolie is a twig, I could totally crush her.

Dominic Monaghan. Just one wish: My favorite Hobbit, LOST with me on a deserted island.

David Beckham in his panties. Not stuffed.

Adrien Brody: A fine actor. A fine piece of ass.

007? How about 911?

Becks again. Just because he is nude.

Javier Bardem. And to think I found totally nude shots and I didn't post them!

Where the hell have I been?

Yeah, I know. I have been missing for a while. I tried posting some videos discussing my hiatus, but apparently I didn't do something right because no one but me could view them. Oh well.

What happened is that I came down with Pneumonia. The urgent care doctor said it was either bronchitis or pneumonia. However, since I didn't respond very quickly to the antibiotics, I am pretty sure it was the latter. I was home sick for an entire week. I went to work on a Saturday, had Sunday off, went to urgent care on Monday and then didn't leave the apartment until Saturday again. I missed 3 days of work. I was so upset that I was going to get fired. Even though I had a doctor's excuse for missing work, I was still worried that since I had missed so many days already I would be fired.

I swear, all that worry and they still haven't said anything to me! My supervisor is a big queen, so I was hoping to work my hag magic on him. However he has yet to bring it up, and I don't go looking for trouble. (Even though it always finds me.)

I ended up having to work on my 30th birthday. I wasn't happy to be turning 30 anyway, and I was really upset because I had been planning on visiting my family until death decided to knock on my damn door. I have since then declared this my 3rd worst birthday ever.

What are the other two?

1) A few years ago I had to have my appendix removed. Luckily it was an urgent situation, but not an emergency situation. I was able to schedule the procedure. The next available (and only available) appointment time was February 23rd. My birthday. Needless to say I had this conversation a lot:

Q - "What is your date of birth, Ms. Lothian?"
A - "February 23rd 1978."
Q- "No not today's date, your date of birth."
A- "Yeah, that IS my date of birth."
Q- "You mean today is your birthday?"
A- "Yep."
Q- "You are having surgery on your BIRTHDAY? Why?"
A- "I thought it would be fun. Why the fuck do you think I am having it today?"

2) I celebrated my birthday in the hospital with my father after he had a massive heart attack and needed surgery. This would have been #1, except by the time my birthday came around his surgery had come and gone and he was expected to make a full recovery. (Which he did) I had spent every waking hour prior and during his surgery worrying about the fact that life would be impossible without him. It broke my heart to see him in so much pain. However, by the time the 23rd rolled around he was feeling much better. A nurse of his who had a beautiful singing voice sang "Happy Birthday" to me. However, his recovery was the best gift I could have gotten that year.

3) Of course, dying from pneumonia made the big 3-0 blow.


All that being said, I can't deny the fact that I did spend some time with Ron, Tim, Laura and Renee on Sunday after my birthday and had a lovely time. Tim made a delicious dinner and the most decadent birthday cake ever. He went out of his way to make me some vegetarian options (like he always does) and toiled in the kitchen for hours. It brought me to tears on the ride home thinking about how much love was in that room that night, and how worried everyone was about my health. Although I loved my gay man pot holder I got from Renee, I loved the love I received even more. The best gift I got was time to spend with my second family.

Rock and ...What!?

The Offspring
"You gotta' keep 'em separated"



You gotta' keep 'em separated

(Verse 1)

Like the latest fashion
Like a spreading disease
The kids are strappin' on their way to the classroom
Getting weapons with the greatest of ease

The gangs stake their own campus locale
And if they catch you slippin' then it's all over pal
If one guys colors and the others don't mix
They're gonna bash it up, bash it up, bash it up, bash it up...

(Chorus)

Hey - man you talkin' back to me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated

Hey - man you disrespecting me?
Take him out
You gotta keep 'em separated

Hey they don't pay no mind
If you're under 18 you won't be doing any time
Hey come out and play

(Verse 2)

By the time you hear the siren
It's already too late
One goes to the morgue and the other to jail
One guy's wasted and the other's a waste

*

It goes down the same as the thousand before
No one's getting smarter
No one's learning the score
Your never ending spree of death and violence and hate
Is gonna tie your own rope, tie your own rope, tie your own...

(Chorus)

(Repeat from *)

Random Thoughts

You know, it is really distracting trying to drive to work when in your peripheral vision is the grossest dropping of bird crap you have ever seen. I kept trying to keep my eyes on the road, but like a bad accident my eyes kept drifting back to the poo. Normally it has hardened and I could just roll my window down to remove it, however it was so substantial and juicy that I simply could not risk having this gift from a bird who clearly had a case of the flu flying into my face. Above is my view from inside.





I took this photo from the outside so that you could throughly enjoy the nuances of color within the poo. It was a poo masterpiece really. I am very impressed with the bird who left it for me. I wouldn't be surprised if it came from one of Steve's eagles.